Unfortunately, the corrupting influence of sin on the world would soon have its effect on marriage. The first recorded perversion of God’s plan came when Lamech took for himself two wives (Genesis 4:19). Later, as the generations of men progressed deeper and deeper into wickedness, those who remained true to God corrupted themselves when they took wives who were outside of a relationship with God (Genesis 6:2). The corruption following this mass departure resulted in God’s cleansing the face of the earth with a worldwide flood. Throughout the Old Testament, we find that wherever man chose to depart from the original pattern set by God, it resulted in strife and suffering—from Abraham to King David, some of the most renowned men of faith cursed themselves by entering into relationships that were not according to God’s plan; God intended for one man and one woman to be made one flesh forever, as Jesus confirmed. “What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate” (Matthew 19:6). The lesson should be clear—whatever benefit we see to innovating upon God’s arrangement, it is a bad idea. It is sinful and separates us from God (Isaiah 59:1-2).

  But it seems that as our society grows more and more “sophisticated” and less reliant upon the standards set by God, marriage bears less and less authority in defining relationships. In the past few generations, the rate of divorces and couples living together outside of marriage has steadily been increasing. As with other perversions like divorcees, adulterers, and homosexuals, couples living together outside of marriage have always been around. But now, even in “the Bible Belt,” moving in together is becoming a social norm that is no longer stigmatized as improper or even as immoral. According to the 2000 Census, there were 72 percent more unmarried-partner households than in 1990, now representing 5 percent of total U.S. households.

  Recently, the Commercial Appeal interviewed a few Memphians and authors who advocate cohabitation as “a matter of practicality not morality” (Donnie Snow, “Cohabitation Nation,” 23 May 2003). One young woman said her reason for moving in with her boyfriend was that “We were spending most of our time together anyway, so (moving in together) seemed like the thing to do.”

  Others are more adamant about cohabitation before marriage. “It is a necessity to live together before you get married,” said one young woman. Cohabitation is being promoted as a positive lifestyle in books such as Shacking up: the Smart Girl’s Guide to Living in Sin without Getting Burned (I couldn’t make up a title that blatant).

  The general reasoning used by these various advocates is that living together provides an opportunity for you to really get to know the important things about your companion, such as “does he sleep naked,” “if he or she drinks out of the milk carton, or doesn’t put the cap back on the toothpaste,” and “how they deal with stress.” You can even work out future finances. Living together before marriage is described as being kind of like a dress rehearsal.

  If the physical relationship intended by God for married couples can be “tried out” before the fact and later terminated if things don’t work out (whether before or after vows are exchanged), then marriage has lost every bit of its meaning, and people will suffer for their misconceptions. Premarital cohabitation misses the point of the entire idea of marriage in much the same way that baptism has been misapplied as a confirmation of one’s salvation, rather than the necessary means of obtaining it. If the standard is lowered, if the institution is cheapened, we will not obtain the same quality result as pure obedience will produce.

  It is hard to imagine that people are actually living their lives in sin for such trivial details as another person’s eating, sleeping, and cleaning habits! These types of details, plus the more serious matters of a person’s stress management and finances, can easily be learned in other ways (try asking their mother), not to mention that they can be changed by the influence of one’s spouse (trust me, I know!). The key is getting to know the person completely. When one fully understands what marriage means to God, they will take the time to know a person before they commit to him or her. That investment of time is part of God’s plan, and will reap blessings.

  Couples who live together outside of the bond of marriage open themselves up in ways that were not intended for two people who have not been made one flesh. The sexual relationship (which includes being naked around one another—hence, the importance of modesty) is one of mind and body, a sharing and giving. When it is exercised by couples who are “trying one another out,” each partner is, by the nature of the relationship, not giving but taking. “What can I get out of this relationship?” Sex was never intended to be a criterion for commitment; rather, it is meant to be a blessing of commitment. It creates a physical and spiritual bond, or trust, between two people, and no amount of conscious reasoning can change that fundamental fact. When it is practiced outside of marriage, that trust cannot be upheld—it is always in question. Just think of some common reasons why live-in couples do not want to get married: “I don’t know if I can trust him,” “I’m not sure if I love her,” or “I don’t know if he’s ready to make a commitment.”

  Even when a couple who has lived together gets married, the physical relationship is scarred by guilt. For those with no understanding of God’s law, it is inexplicable, but even then it is still present. That is why sex outside of marriage is expressly forbidden (Galatians 5:19; Ephesians 5:3; 1 Thessalonians 4:3). Paul warned us to “Flee immorality. Every other sin that a man commits is outside the body, but the immoral man sins against his own body” (1 Corinthians 6:18).

  Yes, there are plenty of reasons for why God established marriage and why He condemns sexual immorality. But to respond merely on reason is to make the same mistake of those who are moving in together because it just seems to make sense. The bottom line of why we must respect marriage, abstain from immorality, and live apart from our companions before we are bound is the law of Almighty God. “For this cause a man shall leave his father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife; and the two shall become one flesh” (Genesis 2:24, Matthew 19:5, Mark 10:7-8, Ephesians 5:31). The leaving and cleaving are done when the woman is described to the man as his wife.

  When we create relationships based on our own reasoning, setting our own standard for living, we disrespect the laws of God and misunderstand the true nature of human companionship.

  "I know, O Lord, that a man's way is not in himself; Nor is it in a man who walks to direct his steps” (Jeremiah 10:23).

  "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, And do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He will make your paths straight” (Proverbs 3:5-6)."

  Is God’s plan for dating, engagement, and marriage more difficult? Not when we consider how much hardship we avoid by doing it. “For this is the love of God, that we keep His commandments; and His commandments are not burdensome” (1 John 5:3). Many couples may be modeling their relationships after popular trends, but as for me, I’ll take the Garden of Eden Plan.