This morning we focused on the virtues and responsibilities of a godly woman, as a Christian, a wife, and a mother. Now, as I said, the first third of that lesson was applicable on equal parts to men and to women. We emphasized it with the women’s study so that the duties of wife/mother would not overpower her role as a Christian. As Christians, we all are to be as lights to the world, Matthew 5, and we looked at John 12:24-25 to further illustrate that our service is a visible, personal sacrifice. Upon that standard, Christ will divide us, the sheep from the goats. In looking at that point through the example of a godly woman, we made what I guess could be a minor exception to the common examples we refer to—Peter, Paul, Barnabas, and other men of God.

Tonight we’re going to flip the coin and look to men in our roles as husbands and fathers. When man and woman were joined together back in the beginning, who noted this morning that it was a union that God designed and declared "Good." He did this based upon two beings molded in His own image. So while it is the righteous and worthy woman who makes a good wife, it is the righteous and worthy man who makes a good husband—the harmony of the union relies equally upon two parties. But as with our struggle to live righteously, our marriages are a constant struggle of successes and failures that we must actively work to maintain. When we come up out of the water of baptism, that is when our work begins; when we say "I do" and escort our spouse down the aisle, that is when our work begins.

This morning we put layers on a painting; tonight, we’re going to build a shed. And this structure begins with the same necessity our painting began with:

1.   THE GODLY MAN: BUILT UPON THE GREAT COMMANDMENTS

Matthew 22:37-40

The Christian is compelled to do good deeds for others through his love for God and his love for his neighbors. Truly, love is what makes us a good neighbor, a good employee, a good brother or sister in Christ, a good wife, and a good husband. A wife submits to her husband out of a love for God and His commandments and a love for her husband. Likewise, a husband is to rule over his wife and household out of a love for God and His commandments and a love for her husband. Men, it is our job to make their duties as easy as they can be. And that comes through LOVE.

I Corinthians 13:4-7

Having set up a sturdy foundation in the great commandments, we can now put up the walls. A man can now be
 

Loves his wife as himself.

Ephesians 5:28: So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself;

Nourishes and cherishes her.

Ephesians 5:29, 33: . . . For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church . . .

Nevertheless let each individual among you also love his own wife even as himself and let the wife see to it that she respect her husband.

This is the light in which we are to be heads over our wives, v.23.

A fellow by the name of Dick Blackford, in his textbook for the Christian husband, compared two very different methods of rule that a husband can follow.

A husband can be a Josiah (II Chron. 34-35) or a Rehoboam (II Chron. 10). Firm and compassionate or selfish and tyrannical.

Josiah – II Chronicles 35

Here was a man who, like Tabitha, was missed and mourned upon his death (35:24—READ). Similarly, it was for his kind acts. Here was a man who took part in the spiritual welfare of his people.

34:30-31—He presented the law to his people, and upon presenting it as instruction to them, he likewise chose to live by its statutes (35:18).

Josiah was everything in a king that we ought to be as husbands. Here was a MAN! As head of the home, our jobs demand that we be aggressive, decisive, and steadfast.

But firstly, we are expected to be independent. A godly

husband leaves everyone for his wife.

Genesis 2:24: For this cause a man shall leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.

This doesn’t mean that at no time can a man look to others for help—but that’s the exception to this standing rule.

A godly husband is also to be aggressive. Josiah not only took the initiative in teaching and godly living, he actively, aggressively sought to cleanse his kingdom of wickedness. (34:3-5). We often perceive aggression as meanness, ferocity—that’s what it means to be "tough." However, the aggression a godly husband requires is not this kind—rather, aggression refers to ACTION. An example mentioned by Bro. Blackford is in a husband’s responsibility to provide for his family:

I Timothy 5:8: But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith, and is worse than an unbeliever.

A husband will not wait around until a worthy job is handed to him—he will aggressively seek employment to fulfill his duty to his wife and family.

A husband is to be decisive. This does not mean that we’re supposed to jump to quick conclusions—quite the opposite. Rather, we are to make command decisions with the spiritual and financial welfare of our families in mind. Every decision is a "WE" decision. We would do well to picture this responsibility in the light of a naval captain, or even the president. We have access to the red button. We must make a decision, but we have to weigh out the consequences of our choices, and so, just like a captain of a ship, just like the commander-in-chief . . . we ask our wives what she thinks we ought to do.

We husbands need to bear the Christian attribute of steadfastness. When problems come along, we cannot bend under the pressure. That means being stronger than our emotions sometimes. Rehoboam was a man who ruled compulsively, who was swayed this way and that by his friends. In his foolish reign, the kingdom was divided, never again to be one united people.

But what of Josiah? (34:33).

But let’s not forget the other side of this: yes, in love, a husband is to firm, but let’s take a closer look at another vital role of the husband: compassion.

Josiah was benevolent and encouraging (35:2, 7).

I worked with a woman once who told me, "It’s not trying to understand men that’s so frustrating—it’s coming to terms with the fact that you’re so blatantly simple." I couldn’t argue with her. I think most experts agree that women are emotionally complex and men are relatively simple. But it’s bridging that difference that makes a relationship equally trying on both parties. Men, we can learn from Scripture that we’re expected to do our part.

A woman’s godly husband . . .

1. Understands her needs and is considerate.

I Peter 3:7: You husbands likewise, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with a weaker vessel, since she is a woman; and grant her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.

This "living with our wives in an understanding way" means that we must acknowledge that emotionally, physically, biologically, and sexually, women are more tender and delicate creatures.

2. Honors her as being an equal heir to the grace of life.

I Peter 3:7: You husbands likewise, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with a weaker vessel, since she is a woman; and grant her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.

In acknowledging women as tender and delicate, we are NOT to suppose that they are morally or spiritually inferior, but we are to regard them as fellow-heirs of the promise. You are husband and wife, but you are also fellow Christians. And THAT is a bond that will last ETERNITY.

3. Is not bitter against her.

Colossians 3:19: Husbands, love your wives, and do not be embittered against them.

This comes about as a failure on the husband’s part to live with his wife in an understanding way. When we failure to honor them as the weaker vessel, we may grow frustrated by misinterpreting our wives’ behavior. Bitterness can be a long-term result of a stubborn unwillingness to seek to know our wives in an understanding way.

4. Cheers her up.

Deuteronomy 24:5: When a man takes a new wife, he shall not go out with the army, nor be charged with any duty; he shall be free at home one year and shall give happiness to his wife whom he has taken.

5. Is joyful to live with all the days of his life.

Ecclesiastes 9:9: Enjoy life with the woman whom you love all the days of your fleeting life which He has given to you under the sun; for this is your reward in life, and in your toil in which you have labored under the sun.

6. Rejoices with her.

Proverbs 5:18: Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth.

7. Is delighted with her in physical love.

Proverbs 5:19—I’ll give you 10 seconds of independent study on this one!

8. Is kind and affectionate.

I Corinthians 7:3: Let the husband fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband.

A godly husband is aware that a woman’s needs are differently met than a man’s. The candlelight, the ambiance, the flowers, the music—"romance" is generally take it or leave it for men. However, it is a NEED for most women. That makes this single command two very different tasks, although it’s dealing with the same subject. We husbands must be considerate of the needs of our wives. It is our duty as husbands.

9. Considers how he may please his wife.

I Corinthians 7:33: . . . but one who is married is concerned about the things of the world, how he may please his wife.

10. Gives companionship.

Malachi 2:14: "Yet you say, ‘For what reason?’ Because the Lord has been a witness of your youth, against whom you have dealt treacherously, though she is your companion and your wife by covenant."

11. Deals fairly with her.
 

Malachi 2:15: "But not one has done so who has a remnant of the Spirit. And what did that one do while he was seeking a godly offspring? Take heed then, to your spirit, and let no one deal treacherously against the wife of your youth."

Genesis 12:11: [Abraham said to Sarai his wife,] And it came about when he came near to Egypt, that he said to Sarai his wife, "See now, I know that you are a beautiful woman . . ."

Now, looking at the context of why he’s saying this, I imagine in this instance she was probably like, "Yeah, thanks a lot!" Nevertheless, we see in Abraham a loving husband.

Men, we have a great responsibility set before us. The role of husband is looked upon in the world as being a prison sentence, where your freedom is stolen when you clamp on the "ol’ ball and chain." This is the same selfishness that we saw this morning out of a world that considers children a nuisance, a disease. Marriage is a blessing from God. And if we receive it as men of God, motivated and moved by love in the Spirit, it is the finest gift we will receive in this lifetime. And women, think of all the ladies you know who complain about their husbands. Think of all the people you know who are divorced, or have children but no father. Think of that and let your husband know you consider him a blessing, too.

Speaking now of children and fathers, it’s time we put a roof on our shed. A godly man living as a godly husband will be—

3.   THE GODLY FATHER: INVOLVED AND IMPARTIAL
 

I imagine it’s due to a lack of study on my part, but beyond Abraham, I have a difficult time drawing up a list of successful Bible fathers. What comes to mind first with me are the great failures. Bill Hall made a similar observation in his book of articles on practical Christian living, which has become sort of a topical reference source for me. But many of the same failures spring to mind: Noah (not an all-out failure), Lot, David, Aaron, Eli.

So, fathers, perhaps it might benefit us to look at the mistakes some of these men of God made and determine not to do the same. I think a common modern-day perception of the macho father is a man who ISN’T involved in caring for his children—he’s a father who doesn’t hug and kiss or say "I love you" to—ANYBODY! First and foremost, fathers, I think we should realize that it’s NOT effeminate to take an active part in caring for children—it is, however, your duty as a father.

And that begins with being a godly individual. It was immorality on the part of the father that so often casts an entire household into unrighteousness—we just discussed your role as head of the household, and that goes hand-in-hand with fatherhood as well as being a husband.

David’s adultery with Bathsheba and Uriah’s murder sent his house into ruin. Noah’s drunkenness caused trouble in his family . . . and after all those years of keeping the faith among all that evil! How disappointing! Remember, fathers, that you must be steadfast. If we slip into any form of immorality, or even if we simply slip into apathy, we can expect our children to follow along in our footsteps.

I think apathy is the most dangerous threat to a household today, that’s the reason why we ought to look to Josiah in his righteous aggression for an example. Consider what Eli did—or DIDN’T do. It was lack of discipline that sent his family to ruin.

I Samuel 3:13: "For I have told him that I am about to judge his house forever for the iniquity which he knew, because his sons brought a curse on themselves and he did not rebuke them."

Proverbs 19:18: Discipline your son while there is hope, and do not desire his death.

If we discipline our children "while there is hope," we will not have to desire their death. Perhaps also if we instruct "while there is hope," our children will not be provoked to wrath, either.

Partiality has been the shortcoming of many Bible fathers. Look at the difficulties this caused in Isaac’s home—he was partial to Esau, his wife was partial to Jacob. And, sure enough, Jacob followed in daddy’s footsteps, when he was partial to Joseph. We’re familiar with what jealousy did in this instance. We are to love our wives as Christ loved the church. We are to be Christ-like in every way. Christ is no respecter of persons. We must show no partiality in our homes.

It was greed that was the downfall of Lot’s family.

Genesis 13:10: And Lot lifted his eyes and saw all the valley of the Jordon, that it was well watered everywhere—this was before the Lord destroyed Sodom and Gomorrah—like the garden of the Lord, like the land of Egypt as you go to Zoar.

Lot saw this physical abundance and pitched his tents in the direction of a decaying moral wasteland. Fathers, there is no promotion big enough to merit seeking financial peace over spiritual peace. For that matter, there is no debt big enough to justify your providing for your children, but not being your children’s daddy.

Clifton Barber of Colorado State found that . . . both parents viewed their children’s "launching" as a positive experience and looked forward to moving on to a new state of their lives . . . But Barber says that while women seemed to prepare for the empty-nest syndrome and quickly got over their initial grief, men showed deep regret at not having spent more time with their children when they were younger. "The men felt they had blown an opportunity forever," says Barber, "and during our interviews, several broke down and began to cry." [Peter Bono, "Coping With An Empty Nest," Family Weekly, 4/5/82; quoted in Dick Blackford’s textbook, "For Husbands Only (And Husbands-To-Be)."] Deuteronomy 6:6-7

1. THE GODLY MAN: BUILT UPON THE GREAT COMMANDMENTS

Matthew 22:37-40
I Corinthians 13:4-7

Ephesians 5:28-33

A husband can be a Josiah (II Chron. 34-35) or a Rehoboam (II Chron. 10). Firm and compassionate, or selfish and tyrannical.

Proverbs 19:18
Deuteronomy 6:6-7

1. Understands her needs and is considerate.

I Peter 3:7

I Peter 3:7

Colossians 3:19

Deuteronomy 24:5

Ecclesiastes 9:9

Proverbs 5:18

Proverbs 5:19

I Corinthians 7:3

I Corinthians 7:33

Malachi 2:14

Malachi 2:15